Sunday, July 28, 2013

What keeps me awake at night

Its 2.25am.. nursing a nagging toothache, and having panic attacks that are keeping me from a good night of slumber...

Both are inter-related... as I have not yet started to use the healthcare system here in Brussels, I still have to figure out how to get an appointment at the dentist. Googling for an English speaking one is the first step, and of which I have already done so, but having yet to receive my health insurance card, am not sure whether I am eligible to see the dentist yet, hence the many questions in my mind.

Of course the fact that i need to see a dentist also would mean that I might have to have some treatments to alleviate the pain/situation, and where I will need to consume painkillers. And thats where the 2nd bit is related.

Am allergic to a number of common painkillers available, making me highly susceptible for an allergic reaction, or having to endure without the painkillers. what worries me most would be more of going into an unexpected allergic reaction, as severe as my last experience. And this now in this strange new land of Belgium, where I am away from my family and die-hard friends.

I know now I have a few names of new friends here that I have already alerted them to this, and whom I can (I hope) call during emergencies to bring me to the hospital, if not an ambulance, but the issue now is that in case I collapsed, would I still be able to list them as emergency contacts for the hospital? That would involve more responsibilities from them, and would they be ok?  Would they know who to call e.g. my family back home etc? would they be there as well in the first place - this unfortunately I do not have the confidence, given that they are only starting to know me, and whatever friendship/relationship we have are not that deep..would they even care enough to want to be bothered or inconvenienced?  how much would people be willing to do for you, when they know you less than 5 months? is time the real measure of friendship, or does the depth of the friendship matters in this instance ?

So as not to paint them unfavourably, let me qualify by saying that they are good and kind people. I just am not sure of the level of inconvenience they would put themselves through on my behalf, whether they care enough about me. Given the different cultural background, I really do not know what to expect. And that scares me.

Suddenly after 5 months, I feel very alone. I miss my family and my diehard friends. I miss the assurance and confidence I would have had if I were back home...

Guess there is only one thing I can have more faith, in the new friends I've made... to believe in the goodness of people and faith that they would help when the time comes.

Faith -  according to the dictionary means "to have full confidence and belief without evidence in supporting"... sounds very unscientific, which explains why its difficult for someone like me, who is facts and science-driven. But at the close of tonight, and to apply to my new life here, faith would be something I need to pull upon when the inevitable happens... and just pray for the best...